And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
