hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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