one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
