when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
