You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
