Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
