New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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