oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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