She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
