You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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