I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
