i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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