how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
