My liver just broke up with me...
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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