I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
