My first STD was from a foam party
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
