Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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