i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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