For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
