I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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