last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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