Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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