his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
