Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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