What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's blow job season.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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