The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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