2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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