The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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