ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
