just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
