just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
