I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
