whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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