is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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