i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
