Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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