I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
