So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
