Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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