Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
