We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You need Xanax blowdarts
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
