we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
