My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
