my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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