Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
