So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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