My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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