Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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