i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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