your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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