Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
