This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
