Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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